No Laughing Matter
by Cash Car Star
Summary: Commissioner Gordon is hospitalized, leaving Two-Face and the Penguin to concoct a plan to take over Gotham City, Batman is all that stands in their way. Coarse language / Violence


This is pretty much my first attempt at a fanfiction. I thought I'd throw that out there, and this is a work in progress. I'll upload the next chapters once I finish writing them. Any thoughts, opinions, comments and constructive criticisms are always appreciated.

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**Chapter One...**

The rain seemed to bury the roads in Gotham City. Storm drains were overflowing after five nights of non-stop rainfall and hail. But it didn't stop the streets from being overrun. Overrun by low-lifes, criminals, drug pedallers, prostitutes, crooked cops, monsters. Not the type of monsters that made paranoid children afraid of the dark, but the type of monsters that had no sense of guilt, conscience or remorse. The type that would shoot a man with a wife and children and not care a single bit.

This sort of monster was wandering the narrows. Not caring about the rain that was drenching his suit. Not caring about being in public. His face, both sides of it, had been all over the news for the last week. Ever since he shot Commissioner Jim Gordon, hospitalizing him. _Harvey Dent aka "Two Face" - Wanted for attempted murder_.

Attempted murder was barely scratching the surface of the heinous crimes that Harvey Dent had committed in Gotham. Gotham – the city that he once served as a loyal and talented District Attorney. That was until half of his face was burnt during a heated court proceeding. The burn left him physically and mentally scarred, no longer seeing the right in things. He now had two minds about everything. A split personality. To Harvey, there was no right or wrong. There was only chance.

"A man like you shouldn't be out on a night like this. You might catch a cold," a dark and heavy voice said from the shadows. Harvey turned to see his watcher.

A man came forth from the shadows. Large and of African-American descent, no hair and a dark leather jacket. His face was as serious as serious could be, almost as if he had botox injections and was unable to express emotion in his face.

Harvey pulled his silver desert eagle from his pocket without hesitation and aimed it directly at this man's head.

"Put the gun away Two-Face. And don't waste my time with flipping your coin either," Harvey squinted and cringed slightly at how unthreatened this man was, "I'm here on behalf of Mr Cobblepot."

"Why doesn't _Mr Cobblepot_ meet me himself like we agreed?" Harvey asked.

"He has a reputation to uphold, and does not want it to be soiled by talking to a known psychotic cop-killer out in public. He is awaiting you in a safehouse a few blocks away from here. You can put down your gun now Two-Face."

Hesitant at first, Harvey holstered his gun, "Lead the way. But if you know who I am, then you'll know enough not to fret or fuck around with me, get it? What do I call you anyway?"

He began stepping onto the rain flooded street, then stopped, "Cue. Call me Cue."

The night had brought little more in the way of leads on Harvey Dent for Gotham's Protector. All that The Batman had done tonight was endure the rain and stop a young woman from becoming a rape victim. He stood perched ontop of Gotham Hospital, that had a clear view of the GCPD. The Bat signal had been shining in the sky for almost twenty-minutes now. He looked down at the rooftop of the GCPD to see a young woman standing in the cold rain awaiting him. Batman had never answered the Bat signal without Gordon's presence. In his eyes, Gordon was one of the few officers in Gotham that could be trusted. If he was to answer this woman, he would have to use caution.

"What do you want?" a raw voice interupted the police woman's train of thought as she turned around to see The Dark Knight standing before her. Her initial reaction was that of shock. She had never seen him up this close before. He was even bigger and more daunting than she originally imagined him to be.

"I- uh... Umm," she stumbled over her words. She had been going over what she would say for the last half hour, now the words wouldn't even escape her tongue.

"There's a lot happening tonight, I don't have time for procrastination."

That was a lie. It was almost as if crime was taking a night off until the rain had died down. He had only come across the one rape attempt tonight and he thwarted it in seconds.

"Sorry... I'm just... I'm Detective Renee Montoya. I'm sorry to uh- bother you. I have news. On the Two-Face case."

Batman's head perked up, "What is it?"

"Are you familiar with Oswald Cobblepot?" the anxious detective asked, slowly gathering her wits back.

"The Penguin. Yes. What does he have to do with Harvey?"

Renee switched off the Bat signal, realising it needn't be on any more now that he was standing before her, "We have an informant working in his mob. He's close to The Penguin. His name is John Cue. We received word from him this afternoon that Cobblepot has set up a meeting with Harvey for tonight. We don't know what they're planning, but Detective Cue has a tracking bug hidden on his person. We know the exact location of where they are meeting."

"When is it happening?" Batman asked impatiently.

"Midnight. In the narrows," Renee reached into her inside jacket pocket and pulled out a small steel box with what appeared to be a GPS screen on it detailing all the streets of Gotham City then handed it to Batman, "Here's the tracker, it will lead you directly to Detective Cue, who should be there when Cobblepot and Harvey Dent meet. I can spare three squad cars to give you back up tonight and-"

"No." Batman said bluntly as he turned and walked towards the edge of the rooftop.

"Uh... With all due respect, you might be a little overwhelmed. Two-Face is dangerous enough by himself, and The Penguin won't be there alone. He'll have men," Montoya argued.

Batman turned, "I appreciate your concern, detective, but I'll work better alone on this one. Besides, Gotham's a complicated town. You don't know who's on your side and who isn't. Not even The Penguin knows."

The detective went argue further, but was stopped in her tracks as The Batman leapt off the edge of the building without hestiation. How could he do that? She was nervous just being on the rooftop let alone voluntarily leaping off the edge.

_Finally, a lead on Harvey. He had practically disappeared ever since the shooting at City Hall that sidelined Gordon. Gordon. Hopefully he pulls through. He's still in a critical condition. He's a good cop. A good man. He deserves better than to go out like this. At the hands of a homicidal maniac with a personality disorder. _

Batman checked the tracker. Cue's signal seems to have stopped in the middle of the Narrows. Not far now. Batman hoped that Detective Cue knew what he was doing, and knows enough to stay of out Batman's way when the time arises.

Dent found himself in what had to be one of the seediest backhouses in all of the narrows. Even for a murderer's standards, it was a pretty disgusting place to call home. The wallpaper had started peeling off years ago, cobwebs hung down from the corners of each room and the floorboards felt as if they would break under his step. Yet the place was still lively. Music filled the bottom level of the building. Hot jazz music. A young woman walked passed Harvey carrying a tray full of drinks. The girl couldn't have been any older than nineteen, but she dressed like a cheap prostitute. She probably was one. Bruises etched around her eyes showed evidence of a rather undesirable night life/ profession. She carted the drinks into another room full of girls like her and men of a lesser standard than even the narrows should be producing.

"This way," Cue motioned for Harvey to follow him up a flight of stairs.

The two traversed the staircase. The second floor was mostly just a long hallway with a series of bedrooms. Each bedroom was probably put to good use several times per night.

"Why do they call you Cue?" Harvey asked. The question had been on his mind since Cue introduced himself.

Cue hesitated for a second, "I'm good at billiards."

Dent followed Cue to the very end of the hall. The last door. Cue knocked on the door four-times. Four heavy, powerful thumps all in time with each other. The door slowly opened, but a chainlock stopped it from opening all the way. A man peered around the edge of the door.

"State your business," he said.

"It's Cue, you idiot. I'm here with our associate," Cue insulted, the man behind the door glared at Cue for a second before unchaining the door and allowing them into the room.

Harvey and Cue both walked into the room. Harvey noted the man that had let them in. A man shorter than Cue, and not as well dressed or groomed. His face was mostly made of his thick black beard that was slowly starting to gray. In the corner of the room was a desk and with a large office chair next to a fireplace. In the chair was none other than Oswald Cobblepot.

Harvey looked around the room, it's interior matched the rest of the building's needs for a renovation, "I think the dirty cold sidestreet I wanted to meet on would have been more comfortable than this trash heap."

Cobblepot snorted. His short and round stature made him seem comedic. Few people took him serious at first sight. His long crooked nose, balding head and choice of old-style clothing made him seem like somewhat of a joke. And his monocle didn't help one bit. But anyone who treated him as anything less than a crimelord would soon regret doing so.

"It's just a home away from home. Sit down Harvey, lets have us a chat. Or am I talking to Two-Face now? It's so hard to deal with someone that has a split-personality," Cobblepot pointed to a chair on the other side of his desk.

Harvey sat down reluctantly, ignoring The Penguin's jab at his personality disorder, then turned to the man that had let them in and ordered him to get him a glass of scotch.

"Now I assume that we're not meeting just to shoot the breeze Harvey, so tell me, what brings you here?" Cobblepot asked.

"Batman," the one word made The Penguin raise his eyebrow.

"The Bat... What about him?"

"You know as well as anyone that there are two people in this town that stand in the way of people like us," Harvey began, "And one of them is in the hospital right now with a bullet in his lung thanks to me," Harvey boasted.

"And you propose that we take out the only other man standing in _our_ way?" asked Cobblepot.

"Think of it. You wouldn't need to resort to hiding in places like this backwater whorehouse at night. You wouldn't need to panic about leaving your home at night. You wouldn't need to be looking over your shoulder everytime you go outdoors... Assuming of course you do go out. Gordon might as well be out of it. Batman is all that there is left preventing you, me and legitimate businessmen like us from running this god forsaken town."

The bearded doorman returned with Harvey's drink, and also had a glass of wine for Cobblepot. Cobblepot took a sip of his wine, then leant back in his chair as he pondered the idea of a life without Batman.

"Dent. I've tried killing The Batman before. If there is a man in this town that wants him dead any more than I do, then I haven't met him. But he doesn't die. This is why you're meeting me here Dent, in this 'whorehouse' as you put it. I've given up on killing him, now I run my operations from the underground. If The Batman comes calling then I have protection, but I have no interest in sending more of my men to jail in an attempt to kill The Bat," Cobblepot looked towards his doorman and Cue, "Anyway, out of curiosity, why should I partner with you. Do you have some master plan to bring down the Bat?"

Harvey downed his scotch and barely felt it too, "As a matter of fact I do. And I don't come to you as one man. I'm also here on behalf of another man – a misunderstood man, like us – that is currently finishing off what I started on the Commissioner of Police. And he's probably having a laugh riot while he does it."

Cobblepot looked up at Dent, thinking over his words, "You don't mean... Not..." he groaned, "It'll be a cold day in hell before I co-operate with someone like The Joker. You might need that stupid coin of yours to make a decision, but he has no sense at all. And he's unpredictable. And untrustworthy."

Dent stood out of his chair, brushing back his fringe on the scarred side of his face.

"You're right, Oswald. You should put more thought into who you trust."

Two-Face drew his gun from his jacket pocket and in one swift motion, fired a bullet into Cue's throat. Cue collapsed to the ground, grasping at his neck as he wheezed heavily for a few short seconds before finally falling . The doorman pulled a pistol from his belt, but Dent quickly disarmed him before pistol-whipping him to the floor.

"You've lost it Dent. Are you really going to do me in here in my own place? A small army of my men would kill you before you made it out the front door!" Cobblepot screamed, enraged at this act of betrayal and intimidation.

Dent walked over to Cue's corpse and searched his jacket pockets. He pulled out Cue's 9mm as well as his wallet. He ignored Cobblepot's threats as he searched through his victim's wallet then threw it onto The Penguin's desk, opening up to reveal a police detective's badge, silencing Cobblepot.

"He was a -"

"Cop. They're onto you Penguin. It won't be long before you're shut down. But with me, and The Joker, we can act now, and destroy Gotham's justice system."

He watched the bordello from the shadows. It was dead on the outside, but lively enough on the inside, with hot jazz music rattling the windows. It was half-past twelve now. Batman hoped that he was not too late.

_Most of the people in there are probably drunk. And tired. This should be easy. But it's busy. The direct frontdoor approach probably isn't a good idea. _

He stuck to the shadows, something that he did best, and crept around the side of the building. He managed to climb up a drain pipe attached to the side of building, and was pleasantly surprised at how sturdy it was considering how old the rest of the building was. He half expected the pipe to come tearing down with him on it, but it held quite well.

He climbed in through a partially opened window into one of the many second floor bedrooms. Fortunately it was empty. But the smell of sex and whiskey almost acted as a presence on its own. Batman pulled out the tracker that Montoya had given him. Cue's signal was from the nextroom. Batman crept out of the bedroom he was in and into the hallway, only having to contend with one of The Penguin's goons. But he was easily – and quitely- subdued. Batman looked to the door at the end of the hall. Somehow he knew that that was The Penguin's room. He headed to the door and opened it. The chainlock fastened the door shut. But it'd take more than a small chain to hold back Batman, as he knocked down the door with a powerful kick, shattering the chain in the process. Fortunately it made little noise above the music and drunken shananigans that was taking place on the floor below him. He entered the room hoping to find Harvey Dent. Instead what he found was worse.

The room was abandoned. Two glasses sat on a desk in the corner. One was empty, and the other was half filled with wine. In the corner of the room is what disturbed Batman the most. A corpse, and the origin of the signal coming from the tracker that Detective Montoya had given him. Detective John Cue was murdered.

Batman searched the corpse of Cue. Everything he had on him had already been taken with the exception of the tracker that was snapped on around his ankle. No wallet, no badge, no gun. But he knew that this man was Cue.

_Another lost opportunity,_ Batman thought to himself as he stood sighed and stood up from Cue's corpse. The idea of losing Two-Face's trail bothered him more than the fact that a detective had just been killed. Two-Face was capable of much worse than killing one detective.

He glanced to the window in front of him, which showed his reflection, and the reflection of a man behind him that seemed to be creeping up on him. Without hestiation, The Dark Knight spun around to see a short, skinny man with thick facial hair and dirty street clothes on. The man had a handgun drawn and pointed at Batman.

"You're head is going to get me quite the reward from The Penguin," the armed man grinned as he cocked the gun.

But he procrastinated too long. Batman spun his foot and kicked the gun out of his hands, breaking a finger in the process. Probably the main reason why Batman hadn't died a long time ago. People hesitate when they see him. They don't just pull the trigger straight away.

The attacker let out of a scream as he grasped his finger. Batman grabbed the man with by the throat and slammed him onto the desk.

"Where is your boss?" Batman shouted with animosity, trying to intimidate his attacker.

"I- I don't know!"

Batman clenched his fist before knocking a tooth out of the attacker's mouth.

"Don't lie to me again. Harvey Dent was here, where is he now?" The Dak Knight shouted again as his patience drew thin.

"They- They said something about the hospital."

"Which hospital?"

"I don't know!" The attacker shouted again, fear causing his voice to tremble.

Batman decided to use more forceful interrogation methods, lifting his attacker off the desk and dragging him across the room. He lifted him up and shoved him through the window, shattering glass causing cuts all over the attacker's body. But Batman held onto him through the window, letting him hang above two-floors above the ground as the heavy rain pelted his face. A fall from this height probably wouldn't kill him, but it would do some serious damage to his legs. And just the thought of Batman hanging him out of a window was enough to get anyone to talk.

"I won't ask again, which hospital?"

At this point the attacker had begun sobbing out of fear, "They didn't say which, b-but... They were going to s-see the commissioner. T-t-the cop that Two-Face put a bullet in. Gordon. They were going to meet a-another guy there. S-some guy who laughs or something. That's all I know, I swear! Please let me go."

Batman pulled the attacker in and threw him into a heap on the floor.

_Guy who laughs... That can only mean one man._


End file.
